"The cause of all suffering is wanting things to be different than they are."- Budda

  I finally get all my ducks in a row and one of them turns out to be a turkey in drag.

  Friends don't let friends dry hump

  "Gay men make you or break you. " - Sandra Bernhardt

  "Love is a trick played by our DNA so it can replicate itself? "

  "Honey, Is that the hill you want to die on? " - Kevin Kirby

"15 minutes isn't long enough to enjoy anything, especially fame!" - Gemini

"Procrastinate Now! – Don’t put it off!" - Ellen DeGeneres

Somewhere in Texas a village is missing it’s idiot.

" The next time you feel like complaining, remember that your garbage disposal probably eats better than thirty percent of the people in this world." - Bob Orben

"I do not find in our particular superstition of Christianity one redeeming feature." - Thomas Jefferson

"What business is it of the state how consenting adults choose to pair off, share expenses, and eventually stop having sex with each other?" - Bill Maher

" There is no such thing as a straight man with visible abdominal muscle!" - Margaret Cho

"Normal is getting dressed in clothes that you buy for work and driving through traffic in a car that you are still paying for - in order to get to the job you need to pay for the clothes and the car, and the house you leave vacant all day so you can afford to live in it." – Ellen DeGeneres

"If you show up looking like poultry, That's a Diva!" - Margaret Cho

"Being gay isn't contagious and if you think it is, you're gay." - Margaret Cho

"When I Die I want to die like my Grandfather who died peacefully in his sleep. Not like all the passengers in his car. - Ziggy 2003